What I’m Wednesday 19

Welcome to the place where I share what I’m up to each week and a bit of my real life outside of the blog.

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Reading

I finally found a book I liked! Yay! I read all of Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine this week. I am clearly behind the 8 ball on this but, hey. So my thoughts:

For the first 50 pages, I didn’t get what all the hype was about but I didn’t stop reading it. It was sort of the book equivalent to watching a train wreck. Couldn’t look away but Eleanor was really uncomfortable for me as a main character. That said, over the course of the book she really grew on me. As a character, she was weird until you really got to know her. Once I knew her, I was rooting for her and for the other characters that showed her kindness in the book. Eleanor has a terrible past and the odds stacked against her, but she manages to overcome it both through her own grit and the kindness of strangers that became friends. That really struck a personal chord with me.

I’m not comparing my own life to Eleanor’s at all. However, when we were in the midst of our personal tragedy last year, the kindness of strangers turned them into friends. The kindness of friends turned them into family. This aspect of the story was quite moving to me.

Wearing

My Falala-latte shirt. I whipped this bad boy out at 12:01 am November 1.

I also finally bought one of these puffy vest things.

Listening to

I’m still on my podcast kick. I have been listening to Italian lessons, a current events podcast, and some meditation type zen podcasts. I’m trying to find one I connect with but nope. I haven’t just yet. I’ll take suggestions.

Watching

We watched the Little Mermaid Live, and oh do I have thoughts. As

First up, Queen Latifah is the actual best. Ursula is the best part of The Little Mermaid and Queen Latifah killed it. She sounded fantastic for Poor Unfortunate Souls and totally owned it. I had no doubt she would- she was amazing in Chicago too. I would love to see her perform live.

Second: I think Auli’i Cravalho is getting unnecessary flack for her performance. She also sounded fantastic and let’s be real. Ariel is not the most interesting of characters, but she handled her role with poise and likability.

And then there was Shaggy. Seriously? Nope.

And John Stamos wasn’t a flat out bomb for me the way the scary Flounder puppet and Shaggy were but he also was a bit underwhelming. I was expecting more from Uncle Jessy tbh and he was just not my favorite.

All said? The whole thing had its moments. I’m not sad I watched mainly because Queen Latifah was so entertaining she carried the whole show and made it all worth for me. But, I thought it was oddly choppy the way it bounced between the staged songs and the animated music. I don’t know that it worked on a whole. But what do I know? I’m not a film critic.

Eating

I’m on a grilled cheese kick. I might have to make this fried mozzarella grilled cheese soonish.

Just Feeling

November has been weird for me so far. We are approaching the one year mark of life being forever divided into before and after. I’m surprised by how much the impending anniversary is getting to me. The funny thing for me lately about grief is that it’s always there. It lives in the edges of rooms and the corners of my life. It lurks, sometimes grabbing me out of nowhere. Since this summer it has been that way. Present but not all encompassing. Now though, with the calendar reading November, the talk of Thanksgiving everywhere, the way the light looks in the sky and the crispness of the air. Grief has stopped lurking again. It’s dusted itself off and come out of the corners and is the shadowy figure sitting front and center in my living room’s easy chair, demanding I pay attention to it.

This time, grief didn’t bring sadness. It has brought anger. I am so mad right now that this is how things turned out. It’s hard being so angry when there’s so much talk about being thankful. And don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for what and who’ve I’ve got but I am angry as hell that my family had to walk through fire and that we will never all be together except in my dreams. And I hate that I fall asleep each night hoping that my what almost was plays out in my dreams so I can hold both my boys at the same time, so all my kids can be together.

I don’t like it. But I also feel like it needs to be here now. If it dulls too much, it feels like I am somehow not honoring my lost son. Or like I’m forgetting. I don’t want that to happen either. But I don’t want the grief to be all consuming the way it once was either. I need to figure out something to do with it that puts something good out into the world. I just don’t know what yet.

That was really heavy and deep. I might have more heavy thoughts to share as the month wears on.

That’s it for me this week! What are you up to? Leave me a comment and let me know!